I Thought Staying Quiet Gave Me Leverage

There’s probably a conversation in your life right now where you haven’t said what you actually want.

Maybe it’s with a business partner.

Your team.

Your spouse.

A client.

Maybe you’re negotiating something.

And you know what you’d like to happen...

but you haven’t actually said it.

I know that feeling because I just did exactly that.

And it almost cost me a relationship I was excited about.

Recently, I met a group of people I really clicked with.

There was obvious synergy.

We had things we could help each other with, things we could build together, and we all seemed genuinely excited about where the relationship could go.

Eventually, they said they’d put together an agreement for us to work together.

Great.

Except there was something I didn’t do.

I never told them exactly what I wanted.

I had goals in my head.

I had a number that I considered the baseline.

I knew what would make the relationship feel worthwhile to me.

But I kept all of that to myself.

Part of me thought:

What if they offer more than I was going to ask for?

And if I’m being really introspective about it, there was probably something else happening too.

I didn’t want to show my hand.

Because once someone knows how much you want something, it can feel like you’ve given them leverage.

Have you ever done that?

You care...

so you try to look like you care a little less.

Then the agreement arrived.

And I was disappointed.

It wasn’t even at the floor I had imagined in my head.

Immediately, my brain started filling in the blanks.

Maybe I misunderstood the relationship.

Maybe they don't value this the same way I do.

Maybe they don't actually want to work together that badly.

You know how that goes.

One thought becomes another.

Then another.

And suddenly you’ve created an entire story about someone else’s intentions without actually talking to them.

I could feel myself doing it.

So I stopped.

I slept on it.

And eventually I came back to something I’ve had to remind myself of many times:

You usually can't solve a problem from the same state of mind that created it.

So instead of assuming...

I started asking questions.

That’s when I learned something important.

The agreement they sent me wasn’t really built around our relationship.

It was based on an agreement they had used with someone else.

Different person.

Different circumstances.

Different relationship.

Same starting agreement.

That changed the entire way I saw what had happened.

And then they asked me a question that stopped me:

“What would make you happy? Not just satisfied.”

That was the moment.

Because now there was nowhere to hide.

They were asking me to actually say what I wanted.

Not what I thought was reasonable.

Not the minimum I would accept.

Not some carefully negotiated version designed to protect me.

What did I actually want?

So I told them.

I laid out my goals clearly.

And you know what happened?

What they came back with exceeded them.

Not because I had negotiated them into a corner.

Not because I had played the situation perfectly.

But because once both sides understood what the other person was actually trying to accomplish, we could build something that worked for both of us.

That experience reminded me how often we create unnecessary tension by making people guess.

We don't tell the employee what success actually looks like.

We don't tell the partner what we need from the relationship.

We don't tell our spouse what's really bothering us.

We don't tell the client what needs to change.

Then when they don't somehow figure it out...

we're disappointed.

And sometimes we start questioning whether they care.

But they may never have had the information they needed in the first place.

That’s the lesson I’m carrying forward:

Clarity isn't giving away your leverage.

With the right people, clarity gives both of you a chance to win.

That doesn't mean telling every stranger everything you want.

Trust still matters.

Context matters.

The relationship matters.

But when you're working with someone who genuinely wants to get to the same place you do, hiding your goals can actually make it harder for both of you to get there.

👇 I tell the full story in this video.

I go deeper into what happened, the spiral I caught myself falling into, and the question that completely changed the conversation.

For the physicians reading this 👨‍⚕️

Our AiM (AI & Marketing) Rounds community has been growing, and the conversations are getting better because more doctors are sharing what they’re actually trying, questioning, and figuring out in real time.

We’re talking about practical AI, marketing, what’s working, what isn’t, and how all of this actually fits into a medical practice.

No pressure to be an expert. No need to have the perfect answer.

Just doctors learning from doctors.

If you want in, reply “JOIN AIM” and I’ll send you the WhatsApp link.

A few things worth checking out 👀

Just sharing a few things I've been exploring lately:

• 🤝 Let’s connect: I share more AI experiments and business lessons on LinkedIn.

• 📘 Book I keep thinking about: The Delegation Trap

• 🤖 What we’re building with AI: A look at what we’re working on with AI

• 📖 Currently reading: The book on my nightstand right now

• 🛠 Tool I’ve been using: GoHighLevel (GHL) — keeps the important stuff in one place.

But there’s something else I’d actually love to hear from you 🤔

What’s one thing you wish you were more direct about asking for right now?

For me, it was being clear about what I actually wanted from this partnership.

What’s yours?

💬 Hit reply and tell me in one sentence.

— Atiba